The effect that crawling has had on my brain
Posted on | September 26, 2005 |
The boy, he gets into mischief ALL THE TIME. Because our house is small, single storied, and mostly free of hazards, we give Bean more or less free reign of the place, as we go about daily activities. And he loves this. Going from room to room, investigating.
He crawls FAST now. FASTER when he knows we’re coming for him when he is say, elbows deep in the cat food bowl, or happily pulling CDs of the entertainment center and throwing them with glorifying crashes onto the floor.
Mostly, it’s both awesome and amusing to watch him discover his world. Incredible to observe the finely tuned sequence of brain development that led him first to do exquisite “supermans,” then rock back and forth, now crawl. And though he’s only been crawling with agility for a week or so, he is already driven to try pulling himself up into the vertical. Kneeling, balancing, and occasionally falling.
I’m filled with wonder watching his brain absorb all the information he gathers about his environment as he explores it: push and pull, gravity, depth, cause and effect, orientation. And I am happy to be able to be here to witness it each day.
But there are times when I miss the full days of teaching other people’s children. The business of accomplishing things start to finish. My days are so fragmented now. Things are left started everywhere. Half folded heaps of laundry, a half-edited section of writing for my weekly workshop, a collage partly painted.
I can’t help but feel resentment sometimes then, at the way things work out. That DH job affords him six hours of “alone” time, no matter how stressful the market is. Of course we’re both compressed at the end of the work day, and of course the “work” isn’t done. But for me the compression often doesn’t have a release. The day doesn’t end until Bean goes to sleep, far longer than even my longest days teaching.
Invariably, exhaustion catches up with him RIGHT when dinner is done. And then I try to remember that being in the moment is what I’m here for. Even when the days fragments gather under my skin like so many shards of glass, as Bean’s body curls up against mine, I let his whispered breathing and the sweet scent of his hair settle down around me. I try to allow this to be enough.
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9 Responses to “The effect that crawling has had on my brain”
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September 27th, 2005 @ 12:05 am
Boy, read my blog. Sounds like we’re experiencing the same feelings of being unfinished right now! Only you make it sound so poetic and beautiful, and well I just throw it out there raw and ugly. HA!Glad to know the laundry piles get to someone else sometimes too! Hang in there–Bean is SO adorable. (I know I tell you this every time you put his picture up, but it is just TRUE!)
September 27th, 2005 @ 12:22 am
Great photocollage.
Why is life so tricky? Being a grown-up is harder than I thought it would be when I was a kid.
September 27th, 2005 @ 3:42 am
It goes SO fast. THEY go so fast.
September 27th, 2005 @ 9:02 am
I know EXACTLY how you feel!
September 27th, 2005 @ 10:38 am
what adorable pictures. you KNOW I am so there with you Christina.
September 27th, 2005 @ 1:48 pm
He’s beautiful. I’m starting to scout for part time work again as I’m feeling exactly what you mention. I just want four hours here or two hours there to complete a task and listen to adults talk. I always thought that THIS would be so it for me, and while I LOVE parenting my girls, I sometimes just need a little space to be me. It’s not easy, this thing called parenting. But somehow we all find our way.
MWAH!
September 27th, 2005 @ 2:02 pm
Ok — I’m laughing right now because I am going through the same thing and a sick part of me is happy that somewhere else in the world another person is having fragmented days (I started a painting on Sunday and just when I get into it I have to leave. It’s quickly becoming known as the fragmented painting).
It only gets better (like when they figure out the concept of IN and either want to be in everything or open cupboards and pull everything out. The next step is ON which is what I am dreading the most.
September 27th, 2005 @ 4:55 pm
i’m glad you have this space to share your life with us, and hopefully find some reprieve from the intensity of your days. we’ve grown selfisly accostomed to our updates from you!
September 30th, 2005 @ 7:14 pm
So glad to know that you give Bean the run of the place. I do the same thing with Baby. It’s all childproofed and she’s so happy going from room to room and playing. These pictures are great!