Trying to let it happen
Posted on | November 17, 2005 |
We put an offer on the house today, and I’m wishing I could do like my cat: curl up, put my tail over my nose and sleep off the anxiety. Instead I try to gather my scattered self by drinking many cups of berry tea and sketching.
After we signed all the paper work and the realtor left, the song by Bill Withers that we danced to at our wedding came on the radio. We never hear it on the radio! An omen—but one we are unable to interpret.
Over stimulated by the time we got home, I was in desperate need of alone time. The sound of my son’s teething-induced whining grated on every nerve. Tiredness crushed around me like broken pieces of glass.
In the cafĂ I ordered a toasted bagel with butter, and tea. I let myself unwind, drawing my paper cup, the bagel on the clear glass plate, the crumbs on the table. I took the time to notice the salty taste of each bready bite, and the sweetness of the tea. In the cafĂ window I saw myself, slouching. Outside, the silhouettes of people moving up and down the dark street, backlit by shop windows.
I am trying to be open to the process of rightness. So many readers have reminded me: what is right will happen, and I believe this is true. It is just so much harder live it than believe it.
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14 Responses to “Trying to let it happen”
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November 18th, 2005 @ 12:14 am
Yes it is…but if one can remain OPEN, what we’re rewarded with is a ‘rightness’ that’s perfect for us in that moment…even if it’s something we didn’t imagine…
November 18th, 2005 @ 1:16 am
Oh,I wish you all the best with this one. But, you are thinking the right way–if it doesn’t work out it wasn’t meant to be. That’s not to say you won’t be disappointed, but in the end you’ll find where you’re meant to live. I just know it.
November 18th, 2005 @ 1:27 am
Fingers crossed. Heart open. Don’t push the river, yo.
November 18th, 2005 @ 3:36 am
Love your cat sketch. Hugs!
November 18th, 2005 @ 4:28 am
Here in Switzerland instead of crossing fingers they say “Daumen drucken” - squeezing thumbs. So I’m squeezing my thumbs for you.
November 18th, 2005 @ 7:03 am
At this moment of my life I need so much to do this: curl up, put my tail over my nose and sleep off the anxiety.
Well donne!
November 18th, 2005 @ 9:52 am
Best of luck through this process. I know it can be an anxious one, but try to keep it all in perspective…you’ll be fine.
November 18th, 2005 @ 1:27 pm
yes, you’re right so much harder…but here’s to your brave attempts.
November 18th, 2005 @ 5:01 pm
I’ve been going through the same thing and just completed on a new flat last week - after three months in lawyer purgatory. My only advice is - anticipate the excitement of the new!
November 18th, 2005 @ 5:54 pm
Good luck with the house! So SO exciting.
November 18th, 2005 @ 7:03 pm
oh your phrase “I was in desperate need of alone time” rang so true— so glad you know how to care and comfort yourself– it IS stressful– but you are so wise to let it go and know that you have done everything in your power to bring it in to you— and allow the powers to be. I’m sending you very best wishes that everything turns out in the best possible way!!!
November 18th, 2005 @ 7:43 pm
I wish that your cat drawing could come to life and crawl in my lap.
And I will hope, hope, hope for you and your sweet family - that the right place will come at the appropriate time - and how brave you are to pursue the life and the home of your dreams.
November 18th, 2005 @ 11:31 pm
Christina, thinking good thoughts for you and wishing you all the best. it’s tough waiting for it all to pan out, but it will be so worth it. how wonderful that your special song came on the radio; my interpretion would be that no matter what, you’ve got each other.
November 18th, 2005 @ 11:48 pm
Thanks for all the good wishes. It seems MORE finger crossing will be necessary.
Melanie, thanks for spelling it out for me. You’re right, of course.