Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History # 1
Posted on | January 3, 2006 |
We were camping. I was ten or eleven years old. I’m not sure where we were, but the memory I have attached to this photo is very specific. My dad and I were playing on the grass. I’d throw my body onto his feet and he’d bring me up over his head. Then I’d land, and walk myself forward on my hands, giggling, imagining I was in the circus.
It is the only memory I have of playing with my father like this. We played often with words and sometimes with chess, but rarely just the rough and tumble kind of play that kids love best. Somersaulting head over heals, giddy with laughter, climbing up, rolling, wrestling. Both of my parents were intellectuals. To have fun was to read a good book together or maybe play a board game. I have dozens of memories curled up on the couch with one or both of my parents laughing ‘till my sides ached over a good story, and I recall a handful of times sitting at the table learning strategies for playing chess or scrabble and loving it.
But there is a empty place in my being where I remember my child self longing to play ball with my dad, to ride piggy back, chase, or hide and seek. I’m not sure if my parents chose to avoid these things purposely, or simply didn’t think of them—neither being drawn to play or sports themselves. What I do know is that every single day I get down on the floor with my son and let him turn my body into a jungle gym. We dance together. We shimmy. He rides on my shoulders and twirls in my arms. He giggles. And his laughter is balm to that child part of myself that clings to the memory in this photo.
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14 Responses to “Self Portrait Tuesday: Personal History # 1”
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January 3rd, 2006 @ 1:19 am
This is a lovely memory you’ve recounted. I was laughing to myself reading about the sports thing…one of my childhood memories of my coach dad was begging him to throw a football with me…he reluctantly agreed…and then told me I threw like a girl. How wonderful that you consciously engage in physical activity with your son…surely he’ll remember it…even if he doesn’t (if you know what I mean).
January 3rd, 2006 @ 1:28 am
I loved this. And, it will make me remember to get on the floor and wrestle with the kids more too. That’s important…
January 3rd, 2006 @ 3:24 am
a beautiful memory. it is great that you get on the floor and play now - maybe you will begin to fill the empty space with your son’s laughter.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 3:32 am
I’ve read that one of the reasons men traditionally tend to be better at math and sciences is that they are encouraged so much to play physically, rough-and-tumble translates to a better grasp of spatial relationships, etc…I don’t know if it really holds true, but it sure is food for thought. Lovely post and photo
January 3rd, 2006 @ 8:38 am
Beautiful post. You made me feel as I were in that picture with you both.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 9:49 am
You’re right - that kind of play is so important. In our house, the whole family got in on the act, but never too rough. I loved for my dad to tickle me - and one of my favorite things to do with my goddaughter is tickle her belly when it’s diaper change time and kiss her feet - she loves it and sticks her little feet out for me!
Your memory is so beautiful, and I love the photo, but what delights me is the coffee cup just barely out of reach. And look at your pigtails!
January 3rd, 2006 @ 1:12 pm
My dad ruptured a disk in his back when I was young and spent a year on the couch, me tucked into the warm spot between his body and the back of the couch, listening to his heartbeat and his breath pass through him. After that he couldn’t rough house with us unless in a pool. I LOVED trips to my grandparents house for just that reason: the pool. He would throw us across the water or spin us around. It was heaven for a daddy’s girl.
Great photo, great post. As always, you bring me somewhere I haven’t visited in a while and make me feel it. Thank you!
January 3rd, 2006 @ 2:05 pm
great post - i too love tumbling around the floor with noah - such great joy to see his face! happy new year!
January 3rd, 2006 @ 2:42 pm
Again, great post. This one really grabbed me because my dad left my mom when I was a baby. I don’t have any memories playing with him at all. What I do remember is a weekend when my brother and I were staying with him. The actual memory is of us standing in Target as he was telling us what we could buy and then he sent us on our way. That’s it.
What I liked about this post is how I can see you filling that empty place with your own son. You remind me how to be. Thank you.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 2:43 pm
i love this picture, and your words really touched me.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 4:36 pm
Lovely post … but it hurt a bit … I have no memories of any kind of physical contact with my dad, except the time in junior high when he slugged because the mother of a girl to whom I had given a “hickie” during a long slow dance, knocked on our front door late at night to register her displeaure and woke him up.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 4:38 pm
Oh how I love your words. Your site is in my top 2 favorites. I am so grateful you share your amazing gift with all who stumble here. This morning I actually teared up reading and remembering tumbling, dancing, rain walking with my babies. Mine are all grown up, in their 20’s, adventuring in our wonderful, crazy world and it’s those moments (as well as our camping trips) that I believe gave them the firmest base. Congratulations, never stop treasuring your moments. Sue
January 4th, 2006 @ 1:14 am
what a lovely memory… this made me stop and think about the interaction I have with my own daughters. We do have our occasional tickle fights or silly dance sessions, but I will have to remember to be mindful of how often and frequently these moments occur in hope that they may be left with the memories of a playful mom.
January 6th, 2006 @ 2:52 am
How I wish I had this kid of “recreational” moment with my own Dad. Sadly, I didn’t have that kind of opportunity. Your posting of that picture lingers on and makes me want to read your blog more and more. It was a thought-provoking read. Keep it up!!!!!