Some days feel like the top of the mountain is always just a little farther
Posted on | January 12, 2006 |
Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and spent the day mostly trying to sleep with an almost-toddler who wanted to mostly NOT SLEEP. This involved several low points in parenting, including DH and I getting on each other’s last nerve, while Bean pulled CD after CD of the shelf and let it go shattering onto the floor. We did manage to resuscitate the evening somewhat, with a trip to Barns & Noble where we drank tea and leafed through the most recent celeb gossip magazines. (Yes, I do that. Shamelessly.) We also poked through a tile store with the most exquisite handmade tile, and I grabbed several leaflets showcasing exotic glazes and mosaics—thinking I might use them as ephemera for collages.
But last night was mostly like an extension of the more tedious moments of yesterday—with Bean nuzzling up against my face, as if he needed very air I exhaled on his cheek to believe I was there. The minute I got up to pee he began wailing so fiercely, you’d believe that I had left him in the woods surrounded by a pack of wild dogs, rather than in DH’s big strong arms.
Now I’ve got him occupied with various kitchen containers and blocks, but this was only after a meltdown of mammoth proportions that involved the proverbial river of snot and much gnashing of teeth. It’s sure to last all of five minutes before he makes his way back to directly underfoot. Where he’ll stand clenching my leg and whining plaintively, before he melts entirely into a little angry puddle on the floor. I’m such a fuzzy headed wimp when I’m sick. I have two deadlines I’ve been procrastinating on and I suddenly can’t imagine meeting them. I can’t imagine staying awake or thinking anything cogent long enough to meet them.
I’ll leave you on a high note though. The Artist’s Way this week asks you to think about five lives you would live if you were not living your own. At first I had a very hard time answering this, because I LIKE living my life. Most days (when I’m not sniveling and sick) I like who I am becoming and love who I’ve decided to travel this road of becoming with. I’m passionate about the things I’ve chosen—writing, and art and teaching, even on the days when I feel like I’ll never really amount to anything in any one of those fields. But, if I had to pick, here is what I’d be—or whose life I would live:
• A homeopathic OBGYN/Family Practice Doctor
• A photographer for National Geographic
• Barbara Kingsolver
• Scarlett Johansson
• Mary Oliver
Of course, the AW also tells you to figure out some way to do something that lives out even the very smallest part of one of those lives, but I’m too blurry to think creatively at the moment. Instead, I’ll put it on you: What would you be? Or who?
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22 Responses to “Some days feel like the top of the mountain is always just a little farther”
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January 12th, 2006 @ 11:12 am
The one person(job) who (that)immediately comes to mind is doula…I would love to have been a doula. I think that is hands-down one of the coolest things ever to do or be.
January 12th, 2006 @ 11:23 am
I think I’d like to be a novelist or magazine/newspaper columnist, a book editor, a family counselor, or a high school coach/teacher. Oh, I forgot, or Matthew McCoughnehy’s latest “arm candy.”
I’m working on the writing thing with my blog…the rest, are probably not gonna happen….especially that last one. Hehehe.
January 12th, 2006 @ 12:15 pm
Perfect! I didn’t do this excercise yet but if I do it here– it will be done. So, with no further ado.
1. Healer (with herbs, energies, etc)
2. Ballet dancer
3. Singer/songwriter
4. Multi-media artist
5. Yoga instructor
January 12th, 2006 @ 12:15 pm
Oh and, hope you feel better soon!
January 12th, 2006 @ 12:40 pm
Illness as a parent is the pitts. Hope everyone is feeling better soon!
January 12th, 2006 @ 12:42 pm
poor thing, i imagine it must be especially tough to be sick with an almost-toddler. drink some oj and feel better soon!
January 12th, 2006 @ 1:05 pm
I really love my job as an acupuncturist/herbalist and even left my former career as an interior designer, to become one. But to live another life?
1. singer in a rock band
2. dance professionally (as in broadway star/tap)
3. bookstore owner
I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head.
January 12th, 2006 @ 1:39 pm
1. A travel writer for Conde Nast
2. The owner of a coffeeshop/artist corner
3. A professor teaching human rights law at a left-winged university
4. A speach writer for the NDP (left-winged canadian political party)
5. Angelina Jolie
January 12th, 2006 @ 3:25 pm
I love what I am doing. But I maybe would change the place the place I am doing it. someplace that has peaks and valleys and surf, rather than the flat midwest. I also would love to help create some sort of foundation for women who become moms and want to stay home, but feel the loss of identity through those first 7 years of the child’s life. How many times have I heard such moms say, I’m no good at anything, when they’ve headed up the PTO, juggled 5 children flawlessly and helped nourish and enrich their children’s lives. And all because they don’ t have an “official” job.
On a personal note, I will tell you how hard it is when your child really clings to mommy and doesn’t want daddy. I think it’s most intense when they’re doing the transition from toddler to little boy, but it’s so hard for the dad to not get his feelings hurt and it can result in some hurtful comments between the mom and dad. I think it’s fairly common and a phase, so if you go through it, it will pass.
January 12th, 2006 @ 3:34 pm
(sidenote to Elizabeth: You already ARE a multi-media artist, my dear)
(sidenote to Christina: Was the river of snot and gnashing of teeth YOU or Bean?
)
1. Museum curator
2. Small, independently wealthy, bookstore owner
3. Word researcher at Webster’s
4. Crazy cat lady
5. Massage research subject
January 12th, 2006 @ 3:35 pm
hahah! oops. That should have been “independently wealthy, small bookstore owner” ! hahaha!
January 12th, 2006 @ 4:28 pm
I just did my list at lunch, but I am crossing off something and trading it for ‘National Geographic photographer.’ Absolutely. Is that okay to steal your other life?
So, now I have:
1. National Geographic photographer
2. Astronomer, just because I love the book Contact with all my heart and mind
3. Concert pianist
4. Professional calligrapher
5. Broadway actress
Having gotten through the icky funk myself, I hope you are feeling LOTS better. Don’t make me write you a prescription!
January 12th, 2006 @ 4:47 pm
I’m beginning to think the Internet has somehow gone from contaminating computer viruses to spreading flu viruses! Everyone online seems to be sick these days. Hope you feel better soon & that your Bean doesn’t catch it.
January 12th, 2006 @ 4:52 pm
p.s. Thanks for giving me more food for thought - I approached this AW exercise from the viewpoint of what I wanted to grow up to be, when I was a child. Now I think I’ll ponder this one again, from my adult viewpoint (can more than one person be Barbara Kingsolver? I really love her books!)
January 12th, 2006 @ 5:11 pm
I hope you feel better soon! And that you have some time for napping.
Love your list. Thanks for the invitation to do this exercise…here…right now.
I would -
1) study humpback whales (would that make me an oceanographer?)
2) own a bookstore/coffee shop/pajama store
3) sing and dance on broadway
4) work with sea otters at the monterey aquarium
5) be an artist
January 12th, 2006 @ 5:15 pm
my 5 lives…
a rock star
an indie movie director
a poet (like Mary Oliver)
a writing/poetry facilitator
some kind of women’s therapist/advocate/life coach
January 12th, 2006 @ 6:00 pm
I am doing the Artist’s Way right now too! How funny. Applications are all in (minus 2) and I will be back on the web soon. Looking forward to reading all your entries I have missed . . . ooh, and all your pictures. Hope your holidays were perfect.
January 12th, 2006 @ 8:27 pm
Ahh, sorry for the rough time. Hope your family is feeling better soon. I can’t imagine how rougher things will be once Pearl is on the move… well, yes I can, and it terrifies me!
Every time I read your Artist’s Ways entries I wish I’d started it; I was so excited about it, I checked it out from the library and everything. I just felt too scattered to get myself together enough to do it… but maybe that’s one of those blocks/excuses Cameron talks about, hmmmm. I think I might still jump in.
January 13th, 2006 @ 12:06 am
This was so interesting reading all these 5 lives lists…and I realized something (I already posted my 5 on my AW blog)… I realized that the list I wrote the other day is much more aligned with who I am today…whereas the 5 lives list I wrote the first time (a dozen years ago) was much more like many of the lists here.
January 13th, 2006 @ 12:06 am
P.S. What I meant by that is…I must sorta like who I am now.
January 13th, 2006 @ 12:36 am
1. A reproductive endocrinologist — Maybe then I would know how to get myself pregnant. Besides, science and medicine fascinate me.
2. Me — Most days, except for today. Ok, even today I can find a way to be happy with my life.
3. An independent film maker/screen writer
4. An aide worker in Africa
5. A photo journalist — I would love to travel the world like Sebastiao Salgado and take life changing pictures. What a dream.
As always always always, what a great post. Thank you.
January 16th, 2006 @ 9:24 pm
so sorry you have been sick (just getting over a horrible bug myself)…
love the five lives question (makes me really REALLY want to participate in the artist’s way)…! anyhoo, here’s mine:
1. dancer for any small new york modern dance company (some companies I dream of: david dorfman, bill t. jones, urban bush woman, ron brown). would love to devote a life to traveling the world with said company, performing and doing residencies.
2. travel writer (traveling the world with my family to seek out the best family friendly places/adventures).
3. would love to own a tiny vintage wares shop in brooklyn
4. artist/painter (would love to exhibit at galleries, would love to make books out of my journals)
5. high school art teacher
looking at my list now, it’s weird. I suppose I have subconsciously found ways to work each one of these lives into my own current life.