First steps
Posted on | January 30, 2006 |
Bean started WALKING today. For the past couple weeks he’s been doing these graceful nearly-running transitions between pieces of furniture, hands free, and we’ve been able to coax him to let go of something and sort of stumble-tumble towards us for a few steps for the past week or so. But today he really walked.
I saw the exact moment when it clicked for him—when he realized “I’M STANDING, AND I’M NOT FALLING, AND NOW I’M MOVING FORWARD.” He was holding onto a chair and then let go and took a step towards me, and I started clapping and he stopped moving and just stood still. All on his own. In the middle of the room.
It was as if a lightening bolt of recognition shot through him. He started beaming this wide, pleased grin. And then he took steps towards me. Determined little steps, one after the next, all by himself.
Since that moment he’s walked nearly all the way across the living room, his lower lip sucked in with concentration. Like quicksilver, the neurons in his brain are sending a thousand instantaneous messages urging him to try it again, and again, and again. Out into the middle of the room, away from the peripheries, the furniture, the safety net of mama’s legs—and into the wide expanse of open floor. Suddenly bipedal. Upright.
These steps are his first independent steps towards me, and yet his first steps away from me, as his own person.
This leaves me breathless with wonder and love and terror all at once. There are mornings like this morning—and nights like last night, where everything is awry and he pushes every button and I am left feeling frantic and angry at the end of wrestling him to sleep, or calming him down. He has become so clear about what he wants—and so frustrated and mad when his desires are not met. When he can’t have my cell phone to play with, or worse–when he wants to MUNCH on me while nursing, and I pull away with a fierce yelp, he dissolves in tears. First of remorse, then of fury.
Something has definitely shifted for him. He is aware of himself differently—and aware of his own needs differently. He has preferences. He longs for me intensely when I’m gone and wraps his arms around my neck tightly when I return. He looks up for approval when he tries something new—or stops, just before he does something dastardly, to check in and see if he’s allowed. He has begun to understand that there is an order to things. That there are boundaries. And with each boundary, he pushes to find just how far he can go before he finds it.
It amazes me that this deepening awareness coincides with the beginning of upright independent mobility. Just as he is beginning to discover that there are both obvious boundaries (he no longer crawls headlong towards the edge of the bed without stopping) and implied boundaries (he looks to me, with a wily grin, just before he reaches out to pull CDs off the shelf, because he knows I’ll stop him), he has suddenly gained an entirely different perspective on the world. This is the beginning of doing it his own self.
Already he wants to drink from a cup, his own self. He wants to eat, his own self. He wants to claim this world for his own self. I can only pray I’ll have the patience to navigate this new terrain. Already he has learned how to shake his head “no” and when he wants to do something himself that I am trying to do for him, he shakes his head, “no, no, no.” I nod my head, “yes, yes, yes.”
Now begins the challenge of being consistent. Of remaining steadfast like a buoy, providing him with the security of limits. But also, this is the beginning of a new dance. One where he leads sometimes, and I follow after.
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34 Responses to “First steps”
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January 30th, 2006 @ 11:52 pm
YAY! What a huge shift for him AND for you. Parenting really seemed to change for us when Lily first walked… it’s scary but also really good. Just wait ’til he starts telling you “no” and then telling you why.
January 30th, 2006 @ 11:53 pm
This time the tears were solely for the joy of seeing these pictures! His bitten lip, the LL Bean’esque (ha! Bean!) moccassins, his halo of curls, and the realization that the day you stop writing about Bean’s fascination with ruining your orderly CD’s will be a very sad day indeed. For me, not you. Congratulations a thousand times over for reaching this milestone with the majority of your sanity in tact. I saw how my own parents felt when I stepped away from them for college 4 years ago, and then for my first job a few months ago, and I’ll tell you now, apparently it doesn’t get easier to let go, but I think it becomes easier to trust them/us to be secure in our independence (especially with role models like you and DH). Enjoy your proud sleep tonight!
January 30th, 2006 @ 11:53 pm
haha. just saw Elaine’s “starts telling you ‘no’ and then telling you why” which made me giggle.
January 31st, 2006 @ 12:26 am
Awww. I thought seeing Bean’s Mom beaming with pride in those shots was pretty neat too. Congrats and, as I’ve said before, welcome to the jungle that is toddlerhood. Hang on, it’s a WILD RIDE!
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:16 am
Congratulations Bean-welcome to the great world of walking! They are just so cute all unsteady walking along like frankenstein.
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:18 am
OOOO..and…now he can run around at his first birthday party…now that is really cute!
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:26 am
Now life gets interesting … change accelerates and parenting becomes a challenge of anticipation and creative redirection. I look forward to learning from your experiences …
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:27 am
what really got to me is the expression of pure love and pure joy on your face; your eyes never leaving him…
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:38 am
Yes, great pictures.
My bebe is on the verge of crawling. Every day’s a new day!
January 31st, 2006 @ 3:43 am
Must.Not.Cry.At.Work. Hatches battened? Please keep your arms and legs outside the ride because here we gooooooooooooooo!
January 31st, 2006 @ 4:38 am
congratulations Bean and Christina!!! those are amazing pictures and like some have said above, what I love most is the pride and exhilaration on your face while watching your child taking these first steps. you both are so amazingly beautiful.
January 31st, 2006 @ 5:31 am
Go Bean! Super photos as always - how nice for him (and you) that these moments are being recorded for posterity.
January 31st, 2006 @ 10:04 am
Awww, I miss my babies! Such a cliche’ but they grow so fast.
Beautiful pics and way to go capturing them and then journaling the moment to boot. You rock!
a.
January 31st, 2006 @ 10:19 am
Thanks for sharing your life.
January 31st, 2006 @ 11:35 am
Such a bittersweet moment for us, as mothers, when we see our little ones embark on their first steps. Starting off as small, timid steps that quickly turn into confident strides, and on to leaps and bounds. And with walking comes curiosity, and endless exploration, and the day when you round the corner to your kitchen and find him spooning powdered creamer into his mouth with such pride and pleasure you want to sit down beside him and spoon it in, too.
Oh, wait, that’s my kid shovelling powdered creamer in her mouth. Perhaps Bean will have better taste.
The last two pictures are absolutely fantastic. Thanks for sharing them.
January 31st, 2006 @ 12:21 pm
OH!
OH!
OH!
*squealing*
OHHHHH!!!!!
The photos captured it all– your words were ‘les cerises’.
January 31st, 2006 @ 12:31 pm
Okay, I know we’re not supposed to be reading and stuff for that dastardly week four, but I clicked over here and there’s the Bean! Walking! I love the next to last picture, he looks like he’s not walking but DANCING. And your expressions , cheering him on, are priceless.
January 31st, 2006 @ 1:50 pm
yeah bean!
January 31st, 2006 @ 2:13 pm
How wonderful that you documented the moment! He looks so full of energy and excitement…oh boy…life is going to get really fun now:> I am so enjoying your motherhood milestones, Christina…they take me back to my days as a young mom, and they make me smile from the inside out.
January 31st, 2006 @ 2:48 pm
Oh, it’s wonderful that you actually got his first steps on camera! I remember that feeling with Aidie.
January 31st, 2006 @ 2:56 pm
lovely moment captured with lovely pics. I’m so glad you have the picture to show yourself both of your expressions. priceless
January 31st, 2006 @ 5:00 pm
What beautiful photos!
February 1st, 2006 @ 9:16 am
Congratulations on teh first few steps. What beautiful pictures, they really capture the moment of awe that Bean seems to be experiencing. Tiny euphoria!
February 1st, 2006 @ 11:04 am
So adorable. I offer you my heartiest congratulations!
February 1st, 2006 @ 6:27 pm
it’s a breathtaking moment, isn’t it? congratulations, bean! welcome to the world of mobility and independance…!
February 1st, 2006 @ 7:12 pm
Ohhh, the look on his face. So wonderful.
February 1st, 2006 @ 10:51 pm
I love these pictures of little bean! Congrats on your big walker, yay bean
February 2nd, 2006 @ 4:49 am
Wonderful pictures and a great story.
artofphotos.blogspot.com
February 2nd, 2006 @ 5:46 pm
Baby bonnet
Here’s a baby bonnet I made for this little cutie’s birthday this month. I found the pattern in my new Bible and used Rowan’s kid classic. I feel pretty proud about this project because it was something I thought I…
February 2nd, 2006 @ 8:13 pm
Love the photos and prose.
Thanks for writing. :>
February 4th, 2006 @ 1:12 pm
wow, what a precious, precious thing. thank you for sharing.
February 4th, 2006 @ 2:44 pm
I couldn’t dicide to like which more the photoes or the accout. Thank’s for sharing.
February 4th, 2006 @ 2:46 pm
Hope you will enjoy his every new steps. May he never get away from your affection however far he goes from your side, Amen.
January 9th, 2007 @ 10:05 pm
[…] , as it seems, Bean is ready for potty training. Gasp. How did we possibly get here, from here? All the cliche’s collide in my mind. How quickly they grow, really. I’m still […]