We keep talking
Posted on | February 17, 2006 |
The wind pulls around the house today, making the windows rattle and pulling stop signs this way and that. Bean never got sick (he’s teething instead), but I’m on the cusp of something. A sore throat and too much tiredness filling the spaces in my soul with easy sadness. Outside light dapples the pine tree by my window. The sky is torn. Gray, with gold tufts as though it’s stuffing were coming out.
DH and I fought in the whispered dark of our bedroom last night, over the accumulated stress of renovating and of taking things for granted between us because of it. I feel terror when I see us falling into patterns like this. When whole days go by and all we do is talk about the house, and pass the baby back and forth.
But rather than letting silence fill the space between us, push at each other. We argue, and the friction shows that there is still a fiery pulse below the surface, of love and passion. In the midst of the heat we discover all over again that there is nothing here that we want to lose. What we have, we want. Our love, even when it is painted a dark purple with resentment, is sweeter than any separate peace.
As long as we are talk, throwing our words about like the silent knives in a martial arts flick, we are not stuck. More than fire, I fear stasis. I watched my parents move ever further apart in their marriage. There was a morass of non-communication between them. They didn’t talk well about hurt, or sadness, or about the messiness that comes from trying to synchronize two individual lives. Sometimes they did not talk at all.
So we sparred with words last night in the dark until we found our way out of the tangled maze of feelings. So hard to do: to keep talking when the anger rises hot; when all my mind wants to dwell on are escape routes and stubborn silences.
And when light from the street lamps fell in round circles on the pavement of empty streets, we found common ground again and pulled close under the covers. We found our way back to that precious place: skin pressing against skin, against each other’s hearts.
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24 Responses to “We keep talking”
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February 17th, 2006 @ 6:44 pm
I guess you’ve shed some light on something for me today as well. As long as you are still talking, still arguing passionately, there is still love and something to argue for. My parents practically led separate lives when I was growing up…and it was the not-talking, non-arguing that really scared me more than the arguments. This has me thinking…I might have to blog later on this. Thanks.
February 17th, 2006 @ 6:56 pm
“Our love, even when it is painted a dark purple with resentment, is sweeter than any separate peace”
Thank you for putting that so beautifully…that’s the kind of love I want to find.
February 17th, 2006 @ 7:07 pm
I am learning how to argue… I know how much better it is than silnce.But it can be so hard to find the words to make him understand when I am stuck in hurt. I admire that you two seem to be able to push through it.
February 17th, 2006 @ 8:03 pm
christina,
just wondering…what do you do with all your paintings???? do you sell them, do you adorn your walls throughout the house, do they pile up in stacks in a spare room???
~ jennifer
February 17th, 2006 @ 8:55 pm
Jennifer–You are sweet to ask! This painting is actually the first in a series of paintings I’m doing for a cafe showing. I’d love feedback on it!
I’m hoping (*crosses fingers*) that I can get a gallery up and running here by summer, and then I’ll put some of it up for sale here as well.
February 17th, 2006 @ 9:02 pm
Gosh.
You have written it so perfectly.
I cannot believe how accurate you are.
And I am so glad you see it for what it is…that you remember and find each other.
The things you are doing now drive couples together or apart — the everyday stresses weigh so heavily on some that it is the end of them - they don’t know how to find each other.
I am crying a little because I realize how lucky I am to have always found K at the end of long hard days.
February 17th, 2006 @ 9:11 pm
I nodded my head through this entire post. You nailed it, beautifully (as always).
The painting? I love it. I look at each fish and I see a different personality and expression.
February 17th, 2006 @ 9:17 pm
Really beautiful post Christine, and the painting stunning as well.
andrea
February 18th, 2006 @ 12:10 am
the painting.
i love.
and the honesty of what you said…
i have been married for seven years
this october and we have been living
together for ten…
you have totally hit the nail on the head..
we also went through major renovations
not so long ago…
it can be….overwhelming, to say the least.
i loved the part “Our love, even when it is painted a dark purple with resentment, is sweeter than any separate peace.”
sigh.
February 18th, 2006 @ 2:23 am
I aggree with the others. You hit it, dead on.
Are you opening up a gallery in Vermont? That sounds exciting!
February 18th, 2006 @ 2:26 am
ps–I forgot to mention your painting! Love it! The circles remind me of a painting I did earlier this week. Circles started appearing uncontrollably in my painting, as if with some strange purpose.
February 18th, 2006 @ 6:19 am
I love your fishy paintings
And oh MAN, you are so inside my head today. After 10 years together (nearly), building a house, 2 children, 2 jobs (one of which is increasing stressful, to say the least), I think I need to have one of those heart-to-hearts with my other half. We don’t talk for days sometimes, and when we do it’s all about the kids. It’s such an easy, easy trap to fall into. Thank you for the very timely reminder.
February 18th, 2006 @ 8:02 am
I love the fish theme in your paintings, the ATC’s etc.
I also love this post. I never thought of arguing in that way…..that it’s still creating the fire and passion rather than falling into an abyss. I loved the description with purple as the color, perfect!
February 18th, 2006 @ 11:17 am
Beautiful writing…so very rich.
February 18th, 2006 @ 2:49 pm
Oh, how I’ve missed your posts…and art. Sometimes that sensation of skin-to-skin says all that words can’t…or won’t…
February 18th, 2006 @ 5:33 pm
This painting is wonderful! I feel as if I could reach out and pull a fish from it:> How large is this piece?
February 18th, 2006 @ 7:49 pm
Carla–this piece is about 18″x18″
February 18th, 2006 @ 9:57 pm
Anything you write of is beautiful, even fights. It’s so important to learn HOW to fight, and yes, I would much rather fight and hash it all out than say nothing. Thank you for putting it so beautifully.
And! Your fish are so lovely, the very fishiest of fish.
February 18th, 2006 @ 10:18 pm
To paint so beautifully both with words and with color …sigh…
Blessings personified.
Please do say if and where your painting(s) might be for sale. I like.
February 18th, 2006 @ 11:23 pm
Olá! Seu blogger é muito bacana! Parabéns é eclético e estéticamente bem feito!!!
February 19th, 2006 @ 8:33 pm
Sounds tough. But you have a good head on your shoulders. When I argue with my sweetie over things similar “house” things, I always just try and remind myself what a good person he is, and that I’m with him for the right reasons.
Good luck over the remainder of your “renovation” adventures!
February 20th, 2006 @ 12:21 am
beautiful painting! one of my Christina-favorites so far!
I love that you are so willing to bring the so very personal trials of relationships to the web. Your words really resonate. The tangled maze out of hurt feelings and stubborn emotions is something I too traverse regularly and I love the way you have captured it here - perfect.
February 20th, 2006 @ 7:05 am
Along with so many others, I found your post resonant and insightful.
Thank you.
Best of luck with the house.
March 16th, 2006 @ 12:09 am
[…] th how to extend an image beyond their sheer rawness. I wanted this piece to be another in the series I’m making for upcoming café shows, so I wanted to stick with the theme I’d c […]