Where my heart finds home
Posted on | April 6, 2006 |
When my heart begins to flutter like the fins of a hundred small fish with worry about the things I cannot control, I seek out wild places where words no longer matter. Where language is the drip of snowmelt, the rat-a-tat-tat of the early woodpecker, or the calling of the chickadee.
Today I explored a small corner of the several hundred acres of woodlands behind our house.
With Bean in the backpack I begin to climb, feeling his weight transfer to my hips. Soon I hear the thrumming of my heart in my ears, my cheeks flush hot, and my lungs find a new cadence as I as I move. At first Bean’s small voice rings out clear among the stands of trees, branches still bare save for snow in nooks between limb and trunk, but soon he grows drowsy with the steady side-to-side movement of my gait, and drifts off to sleep. Then I hear his tiny breath whispering softly above my head.
I smell snow, metallic and sharp, and the tang of newly cut wood where someone has come before and cut away a tree fallen across the path. After a while, I’m not anywhere else. Just here, balancing on small stones to cross rushing streams where the water runs clear and cold and sparkling silt gathers in pools on the mud below. Just here, where everything is still, save for the dripping of snow melt falling from trees and the trilling of an occasional bird. Just here, where my muddy tracks cross the tracks of wild turkeys, then field mice, then a vole’s. Many tracks I see are partly obscured in the slush, their edges melting.
I come to pool after pool of water, each like a piece of amber with last autumn’s leaves glowing from below the surface. Snow fell yesterday here, and everything is saturated, slippery, muddy. Sometimes my shoes stick and as I pull my foot away, the mud sucks it back.
All around me is forest. Above me: a halo of delicate branches. A filigree. A vast network of capillaries: twigs running with sap, buds just forming everywhere. Most of the trees are young—small enough to wrap my arms around, wrists overlapping; but some maples have been here longer—their trunks burly and split open, their gnarled branches reaching up thickly into the sky.
After a while I turn my attention to the worry in my bones and find it has melted with the snow. This is now. This is all I have. Moss adorned with water droplets, new shoots of green pushing up through wet snow. Here my heart is home and this is all that matters.
(p.s. I am feeling better—thank you for your kind thoughts. A day of rest was seriously needed. I may have spent most of yesterday asleep. I’m not sure. 
Also, more pictures are here.)
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20 Responses to “Where my heart finds home”
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April 6th, 2006 @ 1:55 am
Beautiful words and photos and the art of marrying them together! It sounds like such a magical place.
April 6th, 2006 @ 2:02 am
Wow. Lucky us–getting to go on another incredible journey with Christina and Bean. Thanks for sharing!
April 6th, 2006 @ 3:48 am
You fill me up with beauty and inspiration, Christina. thank you
April 6th, 2006 @ 3:57 am
What a wonderful piece of land you’ve found - and how generous to share it with us in this way. I find myself looking forward to the changing of the seasons not just here with my camera, but over there with your pictures and words too.
April 6th, 2006 @ 6:04 am
man…
that last photo
with
the droplets
and the green…
beautiful.
and i’m glad you can find
comfort and release in something
so close to home…
April 6th, 2006 @ 6:31 am
I’ve been away for awhile, so I might be a little late in saying I LOVE the new masthead. Glad to hear you’re feeling better. xoxo
P.S. I heart your eyebrows!
April 6th, 2006 @ 6:45 am
I love the photos, esp. the last one. You live in a magical place.
April 6th, 2006 @ 8:41 am
The moss photos are beautiful, as are the puddle ones! It’s wonderful to have some woods of your own, Bean will love growing up there. Glad you got some shuteye.
April 6th, 2006 @ 9:34 am
I love the last photo too. It does have a very magical feeling to it. Glad you had some time to get out and go exploring!
April 6th, 2006 @ 9:48 am
Days of rest here and there are always needed
What a great place to raise a child, beautiful pics.
April 6th, 2006 @ 9:50 am
These are beautiful photos…you capture so much in your photographs. I love your photography.
April 6th, 2006 @ 9:50 am
Oh, and I like the new header, too!
April 6th, 2006 @ 12:51 pm
Gorgeous!
April 6th, 2006 @ 1:25 pm
i have been out of the loop lately but finally getting back on track of catching up with my favorite blogs… and so much I have missed here indeed! as usual, beautiful photos accompianed by beautiful words, Christina…
April 6th, 2006 @ 2:45 pm
thank you for taking us on this excursion with you!
April 6th, 2006 @ 8:43 pm
Glad your rested- Your home is so beautiful-it’s unreal! I love the photo’s.
April 7th, 2006 @ 6:33 am
You and Lizardek knock me out with the way you’re able to describe landscapes. Beautiful, Christina.
April 7th, 2006 @ 10:07 am
Love that you put the finches in your new header. It looks good! Also wanted to tell you that I have used the Ergo carrier with Pearl more and I can say with confidence that I like it and it is very comfy and I have no problem getting her in it on my back. Although I do not like the way the waist belt digs into my tummy, that is more a fault of my soggy tummy than the carrier I think;)
April 8th, 2006 @ 9:25 am
Your writing is beatiful. I feel like I was there too…
April 8th, 2006 @ 12:57 pm
Amazing. As always. And the photos! The tree one is so sensuous. Good to know you can always find your balance as you walk your land, literally.