Comments on: A fire within http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/ The shape of daily life. Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:23:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 By: Genie http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40800 Genie Wed, 10 Jan 2007 14:45:40 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40800 Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this post. Thank you for some beautiful, thought-provoking writing. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this post. Thank you for some beautiful, thought-provoking writing.

]]> By: sheryl http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40549 sheryl Mon, 08 Jan 2007 22:27:03 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40549 I am thinking many thoughts about this, and feelings, but they aren't clear enough to express. My thoughts echo those expressed Samana most; that we are not all the same. I used to project the same doubts and fears that I had onto my mate. In fact, at times, I probably projected them onto everyone. But years have passed and we've nearly broken apart and come back together. I've changed, and I now see him , in some major ways, as a mystery. I see myself as a mystery also. I guess I am more comfortable with 'not knowing' than I ever was. I'm more content with the present moment than I used to be, too. My sister and her partner are struggling through something very similar to what you describe. Your writing reminds me that she believes all humans to having certain needs. One of them is passion. I don't know if one person's passion is different than another's. But I would bet that is true. Maybe so different that it is invisible to others, maybe forever. Sight is in the eyes of the seer. P.S. Everything you write is beautiful. I am thinking many thoughts about this, and feelings, but they aren’t clear enough to express. My thoughts echo those expressed Samana most; that we are not all the same. I used to project the same doubts and fears that I had onto my mate. In fact, at times, I probably projected them onto everyone. But years have passed and we’ve nearly broken apart and come back together. I’ve changed, and I now see him , in some major ways, as a mystery. I see myself as a mystery also. I guess I am more comfortable with ‘not knowing’ than I ever was. I’m more content with the present moment than I used to be, too.

My sister and her partner are struggling through something very similar to what you describe. Your writing reminds me that she believes all humans to having certain needs. One of them is passion.

I don’t know if one person’s passion is different than another’s. But I would bet that is true. Maybe so different that it is invisible to others, maybe forever. Sight is in the eyes of the seer.

P.S. Everything you write is beautiful.

]]> By: amy http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40457 amy Mon, 08 Jan 2007 04:28:32 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-40457 Wow. Your post took my breath away, mostly because this is so similar to what I experienced in my marriage. Unfortunately, my marriage had to end in order for either of us to grow...and while it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced, it has also been the most liberating. I am now whole and complete; broken and cracked in places, but my life and heart are full. And I believe that my ex has found the same joy to some extent. And while it's awful, I'm grateful. For the struggle. For the process. And most of all for the freedom. Your story may (hopefully) end differently than mine did. But I send you energy and clarity, and above all, love for yourself and your partner. Wow. Your post took my breath away, mostly because this is so similar to what I experienced in my marriage. Unfortunately, my marriage had to end in order for either of us to grow…and while it was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced, it has also been the most liberating. I am now whole and complete; broken and cracked in places, but my life and heart are full. And I believe that my ex has found the same joy to some extent. And while it’s awful, I’m grateful. For the struggle. For the process. And most of all for the freedom.

Your story may (hopefully) end differently than mine did. But I send you energy and clarity, and above all, love for yourself and your partner.

]]> By: wn http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37502 wn Thu, 04 Jan 2007 20:26:20 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37502 This post made me weep.....tears of understanding, tears of sadness and tears of hope. Marriage is hard. Much harder than I imagined too. I don't have any answers and I am glad (I've read your most recent post) that you're both trying to navigate the ledge with grace and a bit of tenderness. If this is of any solace...this just might be a right of passage, as suggested by another commenter....I've been there before...more than once with my husband...and I've comforted girlfriends into the wee hours of the night...over similar struggles. Please know that there are many of us who are going through similar things...and are very grateful that you have chosen to write about it so eloquently and thoughtfully. Words can sometimes heal and can almost always put things in a much clearer perspective. Good luck on the ledge... This post made me weep…..tears of understanding, tears of sadness and tears of hope.

Marriage is hard. Much harder than I imagined too. I don’t have any answers and I am glad (I’ve read your most recent post) that you’re both trying to navigate the ledge with grace and a bit of tenderness.

If this is of any solace…this just might be a right of passage, as suggested by another commenter….I’ve been there before…more than once with my husband…and I’ve comforted girlfriends into the wee hours of the night…over similar struggles.

Please know that there are many of us who are going through similar things…and are very grateful that you have chosen to write about it so eloquently and thoughtfully. Words can sometimes heal and can almost always put things in a much clearer perspective.

Good luck on the ledge…

]]> By: Samana http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37357 Samana Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:30:16 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37357 Hi Christina ~ what an amazing post! Thank you so much for the beauty and honesty in your writing. In so many ways this is the story of my husband and myself for the past 16 years... I have always been seeking the 'more' of life (beauty, truth, adventure, learning) and refusing to live a safe, conventional, surface life. I have projected this want/need/desire onto my husband. Over the years I left eight times (including a stretch of 2 1/2 years) - each time fully believing that this was the end of our marriage. We found our way back together with very small but loving steps. Each time another piece of the puzzle fell into place. More than anything I have wanted a deep, true connection with him. What has finally crystallized is that, for him, his greatest need/joy/fulfillment is found in me, our home, our two chubby cats. He has said so many times "All I want is for you to be happy" - and I didn't get it. I thought/felt that if I need the 'more' to feel that life is rich and complete than he must need this as well. The simple truth is that he doesn't feel that there is anything missing in his life. He is a happy, quiet, private, loving man. I'll always be a seeker but I've taken that off of him. I can honestly say that we are now the most connected we have ever been together. We have started a new practice of 'sacred Sundays' - time just for us - to laugh, play, make love, walk, talk, watch movies, share what is important to us. We are both loving this time together. You have such a beautiful family. I wish you all joy on the path! Hi Christina ~ what an amazing post! Thank you so much for the beauty and honesty in your writing. In so many ways this is the story of my husband and myself for the past 16 years…

I have always been seeking the ‘more’ of life (beauty, truth, adventure, learning) and refusing to live a safe, conventional, surface life. I have projected this want/need/desire onto my husband. Over the years I left eight times (including a stretch of 2 1/2 years) - each time fully believing that this was the end of our marriage. We found our way back together with very small but loving steps. Each time another piece of the puzzle fell into place. More than anything I have wanted a deep, true connection with him.

What has finally crystallized is that, for him, his greatest need/joy/fulfillment is found in me, our home, our two chubby cats. He has said so many times “All I want is for you to be happy” - and I didn’t get it. I thought/felt that if I need the ‘more’ to feel that life is rich and complete than he must need this as well. The simple truth is that he doesn’t feel that there is anything missing in his life. He is a happy, quiet, private, loving man. I’ll always be a seeker but I’ve taken that off of him.

I can honestly say that we are now the most connected we have ever been together.

We have started a new practice of ’sacred Sundays’ - time just for us - to laugh, play, make love, walk, talk, watch movies, share what is important to us. We are both loving this time together.

You have such a beautiful family. I wish you all joy on the path!

]]> By: melanie http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37134 melanie Tue, 02 Jan 2007 19:13:44 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-37134 You are amazing, Christina. The things you see, feel, and think... and how you manage to put it all into words... wow. Marriage is a crazy thing... so many highs and lows. I wish you the best trying to find a balance and compromise that leaves you each fulfilled and content. You are amazing, Christina. The things you see, feel, and think… and how you manage to put it all into words… wow.

Marriage is a crazy thing… so many highs and lows. I wish you the best trying to find a balance and compromise that leaves you each fulfilled and content.

]]> By: Caleb http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36945 Caleb Tue, 02 Jan 2007 04:32:14 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36945 Beautiful. So rich. You are a gift from heaven. Keep seeking, keep trying. You tugged at something close to my heart. Beautiful. So rich. You are a gift from heaven. Keep seeking, keep trying. You tugged at something close to my heart.

]]> By: Pam http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36852 Pam Mon, 01 Jan 2007 18:24:44 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36852 Your words are poetry to my soul. Your words are poetry to my soul.

]]> By: Jeane http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36281 Jeane Mon, 01 Jan 2007 04:16:26 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36281 For the sake of your self, your husband and Bean, I hope you keep trying. It will be the most unselfish thing you will ever do. For the sake of your self, your husband and Bean, I hope you keep trying. It will be the most unselfish thing you will ever do.

]]> By: Katie http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36268 Katie Mon, 01 Jan 2007 02:47:52 +0000 http://mytopography.com/2006/12/30/the-fire-of-meaning/#comment-36268 What a beautiful post. Piers and I have been through this before and we always seem to pull out of it. I am constantly telling him that what would make me happy is seeing him make himself happy and do the things he needs to do (even if I may not love the outcome all the time). I also need a lot of time to myself and feel selfish when I do get it. Ahhh marriage is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be, good luck to you, and to all of us! Hopefully the new year will bring some answers... Your blog amazes me, by the way. Mine has gone to the wayside due to my life, but even if you post once a week it is lovely and thought provoking (gush, gush, gush :) What a beautiful post. Piers and I have been through this before and we always seem to pull out of it. I am constantly telling him that what would make me happy is seeing him make himself happy and do the things he needs to do (even if I may not love the outcome all the time). I also need a lot of time to myself and feel selfish when I do get it. Ahhh marriage is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be, good luck to you, and to all of us! Hopefully the new year will bring some answers…
Your blog amazes me, by the way. Mine has gone to the wayside due to my life, but even if you post once a week it is lovely and thought provoking (gush, gush, gush :)

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