The good & the not so much
Posted on | March 20, 2007 |
Feeling tiredness crowd me like breathy people on a commuter train, I write a few scattered sentences and prepare for bed. The house is humming: the heat turning on, DH playing guitar, the low moan of the wind pulling around the northern corner. I feel snug tonight. Impatient still, with no answer yet, but content because I ran four miles today, watching my lanky legs in the mirror to work on form. God, I look like a gorilla on stilts. I throw my left foot out at a funny angle, it seems; which explains why I always have a splotch of mud on my right calf after every run. I kick myself. What’s left to write after writing that? But the running felt good. I kept a nice 9:30 mile pace and felt my lungs expanding easily. At the end I was grinning, inadvertently.
Other things I’m thrilled about tonight:
* The gorgeous Sam of Sunday School Rebel is having a BOY! Clearly, I’m partial here.
* I’ve started reading Eat, Pray, Love and was pulled right in. I love books that do that to you. Her writing has a conversational tone, tender and honest, like she’s talking to you over tea.
* DH gave me a new laptop yesterday. There it was on the counter when I came home, in it’s snug little box. It’s so pretty and sleek and utterly functional that I can hardly contain my glee. And it doesn’t have a fubar every five seconds like my old one was apt to do (the fan sounded like a jet plane, and the power adapter port only worked every OTHER second. GAH!)
Things I am not thrilled about:
* The fact that still, every night, Bean has been waking up and wailing and insisting on going to bed in “mommy and daddy’s bed” or being rocked for eons. It’s wearing me thin. I want him to sleep through the night, happily, in his own room. Here are the things I know: he’s definitely cutting his last incisor right now, and his nose is all stuffed up. But really—does that warrant this? I’d love advice… (Know, we can’t for various reasons bring ourselves to be of the “cry it out” camp, including among other more important reasons, that his cries make it impossible to sleep. And also, how can you NOT go, when he calls, “Mama, Daddy, where ARE you? Need HELP. Need a HUG.”)
Do I just ride this out and tell everyone that raccoon eyes are the new thing? Or is there some strategy I’m overlooking?
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20 Responses to “The good & the not so much”
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March 20th, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
I have never written you, but I love how you put words together. It is quite a gift!
I am a mom too and my thoughts are, although it feels like eternity right now it is only a season that will end and that is also sad, so wear those racoon eyes proudly and get a nap for 10 min. when you can in the afternoon. One idea is to make a little bed for him next to your bed so when he comes in in the middle of the night he has a place to sleep that is close to you.
All the best,
Shannon
March 20th, 2007 @ 10:38 pm
Eat Pray Love is amazing and so full of feeling, and you’re exactly right in saying how it pulls you in. I’m sure you’ll love the rest of it.
My little man is almost two and these nights you speak of can seem like weeks. It helps sometimes to lay him on a pillow and rub his back (I’m sure you are laughing out loud because you have already tried this). I am sure I have tried them all. Teething and growing into little “men” have them restless and I always think this happens when they are going through some important milestone- like learning a lot of new words, or a transition of some sort. I wish for you peaceful, deep sleep.
love
C
March 20th, 2007 @ 10:44 pm
This is what you do: Go in to him, pick him up, hug him for a few minutes, then put him back in his crib and walk out. He will wail. Wait five minutes and go back in and repeat the procedure. You’ll both have a tough night of it. Next night, do the same thing, but wait seven minutes between your return visits. Third night, wait ten minutes. He will sleep through on the fourth night. He learns that you’re there, that you love him, but that he’s not getting rocked back to sleep or coming in to your bed. It works!
March 20th, 2007 @ 11:08 pm
oh yes, that is a goooooood book!
March 20th, 2007 @ 11:29 pm
This is what I did and worked (because I could not and would not let him cry it out)
I went in and let him know I was there, sat beside the crib and stayed there for a few minutes, but didn’t pick him up because then he wouldn’t let me put him back in. the first night I waited until he fell asleep with me beside the crib, second day I left while he was sleepy but not fully asleep, third day less time and so on, one day you will put him down and walk out and he will be ok with it (hopefully)
good luck! and remember, this will pass, be patient it’s just a phase (I went through it twice!)
March 21st, 2007 @ 2:24 am
We never brought Karin into our bed with us, and we went through several years of hell with sleeping problems (not because we didn’t bring her in our bed, since THAT wouldn’t have made any difference with the sleeping problems, believe me). We went into her room and sat in a chair beside her crib instead. We tried lots of things. Some of them worked, some didn’t. Some worked for awhile, then stopped working. Some didn’t work at first, then did. It felt like a total crapshoot. Some things that worked better than others: sitting with her until she fell asleep. Playing music or audio books with soothing voices on endless loop, very low, in the room. Having a nightlight in her room. Trading off so that only 1 parent per night was exhausted.
The hardest part of being sleep-deprived for us was taking it out on EACH OTHER. We were delirious angry with it at times, and it is total torture, so I totally feel your pain.
It DOES get better, I swear.
March 21st, 2007 @ 5:30 am
i also think that sometimes you just have to give in. let him sleep with you, co-sleeping can be a beautiful thing and it lets you get the rest you need to be a good, alert mommy.
i do it, it’s the only way! my son in the middle of the night always comes in my bed and says “lend me a hand” to get into our bed. we let him fall asleep and then take him back to his bed or we all just go to dreamland.
the real problem starts when he will move out of his crib, beware.
O, no one tells you about all the parenting woes!
good luck~
March 21st, 2007 @ 6:16 am
We are having the exact same thing: last molor, snuffy nose plus the bonus teething diaper rash - at 25 months it’s his first diaper rash ever, so I guess we can’t complain - so I feel for you.
If we think he’s really sick or having bad dreams we just take him to our bed not problem. But I don’t sleep when he sleeps with us, I just cannot sleep with him in the bed so we try to avoid this except for true illness. For what we consider random non-urgent waking we have gotten to the point where he will go back to sleep in his own bed. First we went into his room and read him stories as much as he wanted on the condition he stayed in bed; then we’d only read Goodnight Moon; then we went in and said we’re here, we love you, go to sleep and left again. I have to say, it’s such a long process that I’m not entirely sure it’s worth as this too shall pass.
I think we have an advantage in that Small Boy doesn’t talk yet, so he can’t convincingly beg us for A, B and C.
March 21st, 2007 @ 9:50 am
Google “night terrors” and see if it corresponds to what he’s experiencing. My experience with the one of my five who had them was that they were abated (though not entirely relieved until she “grew” (I think) out of them) by a long and languid going-to-bed routine that was THE SAME every night: no TV, outside play (if possible),then coming in for warm milk and a story, then bath and pajamas,then more stories (I always told stories about the stories, too, though that’s just a personal preference), then a while of singing and talking, often with a story about her own life, with her as the major character. Even after she was asleep, I’d stay in the room for half an hour or more. Sometimes I’d snooze, sometimes I’d just be with myself, sometimes I’d work on a poem … but I stayed. I always thought the trick was to calm them into and through that first hour of going to sleep so the terror didn’t have a chance to manifest itself.
March 21st, 2007 @ 10:09 am
If it’s the sleep factor you’re craving, try placing his crib mattress on your bedroom floor and telling him he’s a big boy and sleeping on a “grown-up” bed of his very own. We began this with our daughter at about 2 (placing protective pillows around the mattress so she wouldn’t roll off) and by 2 yrs 4 mos she was in a twin bed, sleeping great on her own for the most part. I still sometimes went in and laid with her for 10 or 15 minutes while she played with my hair and drifted off to sleep. Also, my kids could never sleep with a nightlight on — not sure if you’re using one. As the other mamas said, it does work its way out.
March 21st, 2007 @ 10:17 am
My youngest just turned 2 also & has been going through a little of the same thing. I’m afraid it’s because she’s almost done with her daytime naps. 2 is the age my other girls quit napping also. ): On the days that she doesn’t nap, she’s a little ornery & tired in the late afternoon, but she goes to bed early & easily.
My only other idea is to put him to bed early enough for you to read to him, rock him, comfort him, whatever he needs, before you go to bed. Or is he waking up in the middle of the night? If my girls wake up after I’m in bed, I just bring ‘em in our bed because it’s easy & I’m tired & they go right back to sleep. Good luck! & try not to worry about it too much - just do whatever works, feels good, whatever you can handle & it won’t last forever. I promise. Spring is here & summer’s right around the corner & he’ll be wearing himself out outside all day. Playing out of doors is great for getting kids to sleep all night!
March 21st, 2007 @ 11:12 am
Oh my heart is breaking! How could you NOT go in to “Where ARE you?” I’m reading everyone’s advice and then sitting in my little corner of denial. And praying for help ahead of time! I say just pick up some concealer and that will save you from being raccoon-eyed.
Thank you for being so thrilled for our good news! I am really loving the thought of being a mama to a rumbly-tumbly little boy.
March 21st, 2007 @ 2:08 pm
My 4-y/o still comes into our bed in the night and sleeps between us. So, I, obviously, am not a fountain of great advice, lol.
We did cry it out with my oldest (now 7) when he was an infant (ouch, I hate to even admit that) and he has never had trouble in the night, unless he has a foot cramp, which is another story all its own.
The baby (17 months) still sleeps in her crib, but we go in and rock her back to sleep when (if) she wakes in the night. Some nights I stand at her bedside till she falls asleep. Some nights I can sit in the chair. Her little head pops up every few minutes to see if I’m still there. Eventually she falls asleep. She sleeps thru the night about, eh, 75% of the time these days.
Good luck to you. Every kid is different. It’s just finding what works, and what you can tolerate. I’m fortunate not to have to go to work in the morning, so although I never get to nap during the day, at least I don’t have to “perform”.
As a former 3rd grade teacher, I know how wiped out you are at the end of a work day. ((hugs))
March 21st, 2007 @ 5:14 pm
Co-sleep, babe. That was the trick for us and I have to say, I love it. He sleeps 11 hours straight. Most of the world co-sleeps. I remind myself of that…
March 21st, 2007 @ 9:38 pm
I am dying to read Eat Pray Love. I might have to get it before I go out of town next month…sounds like a great airport/airplane read.
March 22nd, 2007 @ 6:09 am
I am with Hashi-my son has never been able to cry it out-we have tried it.
The method she described worked for us-but we had to not pick him up-or at least not for very long-and we stopped bringing him to our bed-which I messed up a few times out of sheer delirious exhaustion but finally when we did stick to it, it worked.
Good luck
March 22nd, 2007 @ 8:12 am
When our kids were little we put the crib on my side of the bed — butted up to the mattress with the crib rail off so I could reach over and nurse/comfort the youngest without having to get out of bed. On the other side of the bed we had the toddler bed for our son, who had his own bed but often woke up lonely. Luckily our room was large enough for the wall-to-wall bed set-up, though we wouldn’t have won any decorating awards! We were moving and showing our house around that time and the realtor complained about our bed situation and I told her to get over it. My family was happier because I was getting enough rest and so were they. And I became a master of skooting to the end of the bed to get up!
Co-sleeping is a good thing. Look at nature — humans are the only animal that place their offspring far away from them when it’s time to sleep.
March 23rd, 2007 @ 4:25 pm
I’m a grandmother now but I still remember the years when our three boys were little and we lived in bamboo huts beside the sea in Fiji. My husband is Fijian. The custom there is for families to sleep close together, often in one room, babies in bed with you. Touching, being close is better than an unhappy kid in another room. That’s my tuppence for now.
Your writing is so beautiful and clear.
w.
March 23rd, 2007 @ 10:33 pm
It seems tough now…but time goes fast. When they are 16 you will actually be yearning for this time.
March 27th, 2007 @ 12:42 am
My Madam is about the same age as Bean, and we are co-sleeping, but she still wakes up several times a night to nurse. Ugh, I am soo tired as well. I hope that if you find the Answer, you’ll share it with the class.
I just keep telling myself that it can’t last forever…can it?