Mommy stone
Posted on | October 22, 2007 |
“Where is my mommy stone?” He asks, upper lip quivering. It is bed time. I’ve come to say good night.
Then he says, “I love you and I missed you.” He says this often, the latter almost automatically following the former; but it’s also something that must reflect the hunger his little self feels for mommy time. I’m not always available the way I could be—if I were wholly and exclusively focused on being his mother. Selfishly, I take time for me often. I write, I run, I forfeit controlling the circumstance of his days in exchange for time to do my own things.
Now we’re in the semi dark. He’s talking about the small stone I gave him when I went back to work this year. I told him it was a Mommy Stone with kisses in it, to rub on his cheek if he missed me. I don’t know why he’s suddenly thought of it tonight, and seeing him, upper lip trembling, I want to make everything immediately okay.
“I’ll find you another mommy stone and put kisses in it and have it ready for you in the morning,” I rush to offer.
“But how can I see the kisses? How do they get in there?” He is earnest, almost crying, and suddenly I’m over come too. I wrap him in the dark, kissing his cheeks a hundred times, tears suddenly, unexpectedly wet on my cheeks. “You can’t see them, you can feel them when you rub the Mommy stone on your cheek. Because I love you, and I put the kisses in there just for you,” I say.
“Okay,” he says, and then “I love you, I love you mommy.”
“I love you too, with my whole heart,” I whisper into the air against his cheek.
“I love you, I love you,” he says, his arms wrapped around my neck.
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27 Responses to “Mommy stone”
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October 22nd, 2007 @ 8:48 pm
So so sweet. Thank you for sharing that moment with us.
October 22nd, 2007 @ 9:41 pm
Now that… that brought me to tears. Just beautiful.
October 22nd, 2007 @ 10:07 pm
Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment. As I read it my heart was touched to tears.
Also I loved your honest self-evaluation without excuses.
October 22nd, 2007 @ 10:15 pm
beautiful words. i’m walking in those same shoes so much of the time - it isn’t easy is it.
October 22nd, 2007 @ 11:14 pm
Preschool age is such a trying and wonderful time…. as my baby boy is now 15…. my heart longs for the days when I was his whole world.
October 22nd, 2007 @ 11:22 pm
So breathtaking.
I love being in that place when the weight of love completely takes up your whole entire heart until it feels like it’s going to explode, and you never ever want to let them go.
Aubrey
October 23rd, 2007 @ 2:28 am
This was one that should have come with a Kleenex warning…
Such a wonderful moment, captured.
October 23rd, 2007 @ 11:28 am
OK. You owe me a new keyboard. Mine just shorted out from the tears.
October 23rd, 2007 @ 1:01 pm
Tears abound!
October 23rd, 2007 @ 4:26 pm
As a mommy who takes time away from my little one too, I so appreciate your words.
October 23rd, 2007 @ 4:38 pm
you know what? you should write that as a kids’ book … what a splendid, moving story that would make! — and you’d be GREAT doing the the art for it, too!
October 23rd, 2007 @ 4:40 pm
oh damn. that one got me good.
October 24th, 2007 @ 9:43 am
I completely agree with Paul.
I’d stand in line to buy that one!
October 24th, 2007 @ 9:46 am
I couldn’t log on to your blog yesterday… But this morning as I read this post, my heart aches…
Bless both of your hearts!
October 24th, 2007 @ 12:58 pm
Yes, Paul is right. Please please think about doing it!
October 24th, 2007 @ 1:52 pm
what a sweet and tender moment…such a blessed moment…
October 24th, 2007 @ 10:02 pm
Oh, so magical. Thanks for sharing.
Julie
October 24th, 2007 @ 10:53 pm
I can’t wait til I hear my own boy say “I love you…” I don’t think I will be able to live a normal life after that.
What a beautiful moment between you and Bean. And really, please don’t beat yourself up or call yourself selfish. You are not selfish. I wish my own mom would have taken more time for herself.
October 24th, 2007 @ 11:01 pm
This reminds me of _The Kissing Hand_ by Audrey Penn. Have you ever read it with Bean? I would love to read a mommy stone version with your illustrations, but until you have time for that, this book might help both of you.
October 26th, 2007 @ 5:22 am
That is just such a beautiful thought and such a beautiful story. Tears on the way here too.
October 27th, 2007 @ 10:19 am
i agree with that would make a GREAT BOOK!
i want to buy it already!
awesome words. thanks for sharing your heart so openly!
tara
October 28th, 2007 @ 9:27 pm
now that just melts my heart!
October 28th, 2007 @ 9:27 pm
now that just melts my heart!
October 30th, 2007 @ 8:35 am
beautiful. so very beautiful.
November 7th, 2007 @ 2:46 am
Oh my goodness. Unexpected gushes of gasping tears. I leave my sweet several times a week for a few hours to do some work in town and though he doesn’t yet say very many words, I imagined him saying these to me. Desperate and longing and true.
Thank you for the raw and the vulnerable. We are not selfish for claiming a little something for ourselves, but sometimes it is heartbreaking to do so.
December 10th, 2007 @ 5:51 pm
i mean wow! that really hit a sensitive note in me. shows how much you mean to someone and that there is someone that needs you. ive read most parts of your blog and i must say, i have hardly come across a woman who is such an amazingly dedicated mother and husband. if i may add, artistic and creative too, references to your photography and poetry! all the best!
cheers
joey
January 11th, 2008 @ 9:47 am
Oh! Hand me a tissue someone please! So beautiful and endearing! I think my heart now resides in my throat…that caught me off guard. Beautiful!