Weekend snapshots
(Bean took this one.)
The world has turned green. Less than a month left of school. The morning sun is waking me up, and I’ve been heading out to run more. Still not feeling totally in harmony with myself yet: still too much on my plate. But more days and more moments where the the orbit […]
Where the edges became frayed
I’ve been shy here, lately. Perhaps dodging myself a bit. Not really sure how to pick up where I’ve left off—I’ve been so sporadic with posting lately—yet I really am missing the regularity of sharing moments and comments. I’ve been fragile this winter.
For the first time since November I felt like I could breathe […]
Hieroglyphs of a turbulent heart
Every guy I have ever dated has been the same in one way: they have all been inclined to read my journals. Fools, all of them, for flipping through the blurry pages of my inconsistent heart.
One day I’m only able to see the sun. Everything is bright: my future, the mangos split into perfect segments […]
Thirst
The ache feels like frostbite, slowly traveling from the peripheries towards the very center of my chest. It’s the kind of ache that you can’t put a finger on and say “here, take this, do this, it will feel better.” Instead it’s pervasive, a wash of heartache, the color a cloud-torn sky after sunset, muted, […]
Free will astrology
I picked up the local free paper this morning, after twirling around the house putting what appears to be an endless collection of toys and cups and socks back into their places, and found this (by Bob Brezsny):
AQUARIUS: The composer Stravinsky had written a new piece with a difficult violin passage,” writes Thomas powers, quoted […]
Attempting
I make lunch the night before; do yoga first thing; then come home from work and play with my boys. The three of us take a long walk down the melting muddied road. It is pock marked with potholes: perfect circles of mud and splashy water, just right for jumping, which Bean does in […]
Here again
Outside, in the quiet winter cold, a dog barks again and again and again. A series of three staccato yaps, then a pause, snowflakes swirling in the silence before it barks again; left somewhere outdoors, hot breath making the fur wet around his mouth, icicles gathering in shaggy snarls.
In the sky, the moon, rinsed […]
Weasel
A weasel found it’s way into the coop, the way only weasels can. Murderous and thrilling at the kill, it went after every hen, the sick rooster (who was getting better!) first, taking their heads, leaving blood splattered across the glass panes on the door. When I came home DH was in the coop gathering […]
30 today
The only difference
Friday night my heart felt like a hundred rain splattered puddles: each one reflecting a different small circle of cloud covered sky; so many different things to do all in exactly the same few moments.
Friday I was a flood of hormonal mood swings before I start to bleed, and I felt anxious and sad […]